


Show Don't Tell

by Whreflections



Series: BSB OT5 Verse [3]
Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: BDSM, BDSM Scene, Brian/Nick heavy, Implied/Referenced Knifeplay, Light Dom/sub, M/M, POV Kevin, Porn With Plot, Very Light Blood, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 05:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3798859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whreflections/pseuds/Whreflections
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Nick needs a little pain that he can control.  At least, that's how it's always been but lately he's handed that control over to Brian because who could he trust more than the person who's loved him and taken care of him more consistently than anyone ever has in his life?  It's great, it's not conventional but it's working for both of them...only it's not just two of them in this relationship, and the rest of the boys have more than a few questions.  </p><p>Well, Howie and Kevin have questions.  AJ just wants to watch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Show Don't Tell

**Author's Note:**

> Blame all of this on this video- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCAmfq2nBFY
> 
> Well okay, blame 80% on that video; the rest of the blame rests on me and purpleyedemon, because we ended up discussing at length all the possible fic implications of that video and created a universe lmfao 
> 
> If you can't/don't want to watch the video, here's the gist of what inspired this- Brian and Nick whipping each other with tree switches and saying things like "It didn't hurt; do it again", then finding AJ who is already well aware that Brian hits really fucking hard aaaand during that part of the adventure, Nick makes a comment about the sound being similar to someone having their back whipped. O.O 
> 
> So. In this now very involved universe, that most of the bsb fic I write will be from, the basic facts you need to know are these: All five boys are in a poly relationship, but there's also a couple light non-lifestyle/in scene only dom/sub relationships going on within that. Kevin doms AJ on a fairly regular basis(and has been for some time), and Brian doms Nick somewhat less regularly, whenever Nick needs it. Scenes as involved as this one are rare because tour and appearances and shit, but they make do in other ways. They'll be fic posted about that eventually, lmao 
> 
> ...I think that's all you really need. Enjoy? XD

Kevin’s not sure who’s more nervous here, him or Howie.  It’s a close call between them, but he knows for damn sure what the answer _isn’t_ —Nick’s been a mess of nervous energy all afternoon, but now that they’re up here together it’s like it’s all evaporated.  Brian’s hand rests on the back of his neck, and though it looks more like comfort than restraint Kevin can’t help but notice Nick doesn’t move outside the radius of Brian’s reach. 

Not that he has to go far anyway; they’re all hovering about as close in with Nick as their center as they can get without touching.  Jesus, they haven’t been this apprehensive around each other since they were kids. 

Though he can’t see his own, the more he looks at Howie the more sure he it’s his eyes that hold the most fear.  Nick must see it too because it’s him Nick reaches for, his hands smoothing down Howie’s chest before he gets a hold on his shirt and tugs him forward. 

“Hey.  C’mere.”  There’s never been a general consensus on who the best kisser is, but Kevin’s sworn for years there’s nothing like Nick’s focus.  His kisses are almost always open mouthed, deep and dirty and slow.  Being on the receiving end never fails to get him hard quick, but watching’s almost as good.  The last time they were all five together at the same time like this was nearly three weeks ago at least, maybe a little longer.  It’s been far too long, and the sight’s all the more intoxicating for it. 

Howie moans, Brian’s hand flexes against the nape of Nick’s neck, and Kevin steps forward to wrap his arms around AJ from behind.  AJ’s warm and fluid under his hands, tipping his head back readily onto his shoulder as he watches because he knows if he bares his neck, Kevin will taste it. 

Kevin hums his appreciation and laves obligingly at AJ’s neck.  The scent of smoke clings to the collar of his shirt, a detail Kevin’s long grown used to.  By now, that lingering trace of nicotine is so powerfully associated with AJ that his pulse always edges up a notch when he takes it in, reminds him of a thousand kisses, of taking AJ from behind after a show, the cigarette he’d wanted so much smoldering forgotten in a bottle to free his hands to brace against the wall.    

AJ’s breath catches, one hand twisting back blindly to bury in Kevin’s hair and hold him there.  Kevin nips lightly, soothes a mark that doesn’t even exist with a kiss that distracts him with its reminder of why they’re there, why Howie’s clinging to Nick like he’s just pulled him out of a fire. 

This isn’t just any post-tour welcome-back-home reunion; this is a chance for Nick and Brian to make them understand a secret they’ve kept until it grew too big to hold.  There’ a lot about this Kevin’s still not sure about, and that part still makes the list—to some degree, the two of them have been at this for a long time and neither one ever said a word.  This relationship that the five of them have works because of the bond they have, yes, but to keep that bond as tight as it is, they have to communicate. 

He’d said as much half a dozen times since they’d started talking about all this—he might not have taken it _well_ if they’d come out with the truth from the beginning, but it’d have been better than sliding his hands up Nick’s shirt to feel the evidence under his fingers.  In that first moment, it hadn’t mattered how quick Nick grabbed for his hands to pull them away, how many times in seconds he managed to say _Kevin, Kevin, I’m fine, listen to me_.  He couldn’t hear a damn thing over the initial rage, all instinct like a wolf that’s just seen blood in the snow. 

This was _Nick_ , the kid who use to tuck into a ball between him and Brian to fall asleep in the van, who grew up and into someone Kevin fell in love with without ever trying.  He wasn’t a kid anymore and he certainly wasn’t fragile, but some things never changed—He was _theirs_ to protect.  Whoever had hurt him would have them to answer to. 

Ironically enough, for a split second somewhere in there, he’d had the thought that even Brian would lose his temper for this.  Once he learned the intricate lattice of red on Nick’s back had actually _come_ from Brian, he’d had to sit down. 

“D, you don’t have to do this.”  Nick whispers against Howie’s mouth, kisses him quiet the first time Howie starts to answer.  “I’m gonna be just fine; c’mon it’s _Brian_ , man.  He’s just looking out for me, that’s all, but you don’t have to see it.   You really don’t.” 

From his angle in the dim light Kevin can’t see Brian’s face, but he wishes he could.  All Kevin can see from here is that he watches Nick in utter silence, almost equally still but for a brief moment he leans forward to kiss Nick’s shoulder through his shirt.  He could cut in at any moment, speak up and defend his own actions but he lets Nick do it, and there’s something in that.  Right now, Kevin’s not trying to overthink too much, but he’ll hold that back for later when he has all the time to think he needs.  For the moment, the conversation is already distracting enough that his hands have paused at AJ’s waist, hovering indecisively at the hem of his shirt.   

Howie licks his lips, eyes fluttering closed first at the taste of Nick on them before he pushes them back open.  “Yeah, I do, because—“

“You _don’t_ , I’m not—“

“I _do_ , because if this is something you both need, we need to understand it.  So I need to be here, because sure it’s between the two of you but we’re all in this and…”  He swallows, and Kevin realizes he’d gone still listening when he feels himself break it to nod in agreement though no one sees, his chin brushing AJ’s shoulder.  “We need to be able to do this together, and I need…”  His arms drape around Nick’s shoulders, one hand finding Brian’s wrist and squeezing.  “I may not be able to watch all of it, but I need to be here.  I need to know you’re both okay.”

Nick’s hands shift up to Howie’s cheeks, cupping his face in his hands as he leans in to brush kisses beneath his eyes and across to his temple.  “I’m okay.  Brian’s okay; swear to God we’ll both be even better this time tomorrow, you just wait and see.” 

“And hey, who said you’d be looking anyway?  I want those pretty eyes on me.”  Of the three of them, it’s AJ who’s taken all this in with the most grace.  Beyond an initial moment of shock he’s hardly batted an eye, and though Kevin’s always proud of him, he’s so grateful just then for the easy confidence in his voice that he has to take just a second to hold on tighter, just long enough to steal a too-short kiss. 

AJ is stronger than he knows, so full of courage that he’s forever reaching down for it with both hands to offer its comfort to those he loves.  He can’t see his own bravery; he never has.  Kevin’s not sure he’ll ever convince AJ of that, so he sticks to lower goals. 

“I love you.”  He murmurs it with his lips tracing AJ’s jaw, punctuates it with the slip of his thumbs just far enough beneath his shirt to stroke the top swell of his hipbones. 

“Love you, too.”  AJ has never struggled with words, easy or difficult.  They roll off his tongue with an honesty that burns, white hot in anger or full of welcome heat in affection.  No matter how many times he’s heard it, Kevin’ll be feeling the buzz of those particular words in his chest for a while. 

It’s hard to let AJ go, harder still when AJ tries to take his hand and pull him toward Howie, but he stays put with a light squeeze of his fingers, a muttered reassurance to go on without him.  In some ways, it’d be easier to follow, to slide into behind them and let Howie bury his face against his chest while AJ fucks him.  Easier, maybe, but not what he set out to do.  He’s not here to make himself comfortable; he’s here to watch Nick and Brian. 

AJ’s both forceful and playful as he pulls Howie away from Nick, half stumbles back with him until they can both tumble sideways onto the enormous bed.  With only two of them in it, it looks even larger.  AJ immediately rolls them over, pins Howie beneath him and rolls his hips with an eagerness that makes Kevin’s mouth water, makes him look away.  He’s seen enough; they’ll be just fine. 

He looks back to find Brian’s eyes on him, crystal clear in a way that takes Kevin’s breath.  He’s known Brian since the day he was born, but this is a side to his cousin he’s never seen.  “You sure about this?” 

The question’s light enough, but Kevin can hear everything Brian isn’t saying underneath it.  _I told you; you can watch, so long as you don’t interfere.  If you can’t handle that, say it now._

Kevin’s eyes cut to Nick, to the way he’s turned to Brian now that Howie’s not there to pull his attention.  He’s all over him, nuzzling into his neck, his arms circled around Brian’s waist.  There’s no fear visible in him, nothing but heat and adoration.  Kevin swallows against the lump in his throat, nods just once before he steps back and sits down in a chair just far enough back to put him out of the way.  He aches to kiss them both, but the mood has already shifted and he knows that’s a chance he should have taken when they first came in the room.  All of Brian’s focus has to be on Nick now; that much at least Kevin understands.  He’s carried the weight of AJ’s trust for so long he can recognize the settling of Nick’s on Brian’s shoulders in the way he stands just a little taller, the reverence in the first movement of his hand sliding up from the back of Nick’s neck to card through his hair. 

“You ready?”  For such a serious question, it’s in his softest tone, full of the warmth of Kentucky. 

Nick nods, pushes himself so close there’s not a gap between them and breathes something Kevin can’t hear against the shell of Brian’s ear.  Whatever it is it makes him smile, and a quiet huff of laughter slips out before he pulls Nick back far enough to press a kiss to his hair.  “Alright.  Get ready and give me a second.” 

Nick yanks his shirt off like he can’t throw it fast enough, but for all his eagerness Kevin can feel his heart pounding in his throat.  He has no idea how this goes, none at all; their conversations never got that far.  He only knows the absolute basics—there’s a whip, but that’s new.  They started with knives, and Brian’s sure there’ll be times Nick will still want them.  He likes bruises, but he doesn’t like to be restrained by anything that isn’t Brian’s hands.  Whatever happens in between is an absolute mystery.  Even as he’s watching the beginning unfold, Kevin doesn’t feel quite prepared. 

Nick strips quick and goes to the wall, presses his palms to it from a distance that lets him lean comfortably.  He’s there in seconds, but behind him, Brian’s taking his time.  There’s a bag on the floor by the dresser, white and soft and unassuming.  What else is in it Kevin can’t see, but when Brian’s hand leaves it there’s a black leather whip coiled in his grasp.  Kevin’s first instinct is to get a better look, to get a feel for its heft, for whether it’s more stiff or supple.  Instead, he tightens his grip on the arms of the chair and shifts in his seat.    

Nick’s restless, rolling his shoulders and flexing his fingers against the wall, but those shifts are tiny in contrast to the way he arches when Brian’s hand settles against his spine.  His hands are empty, the whip apparently placed back on the dresser while Kevin was watching Nick.  The trail of Brian’s hand down his spine is slow, comforting in its motion though Nick seems too full of anticipation to settle to it.  He’s breathing heavy, the tempo quicker the more Brian touches him. 

It’s probably the fourth pass of Brian’s touch down across his ribs when Nick cracks and says Brian’s name with such impatience Kevin has to smile.  It’s so very Nick, so familiar and though he wouldn’t have expected it, the way Brian responds by pressing his body right up against Nick’s doesn’t surprise him either. 

The hint of another protest has only barely left Nick’s lips before Brian’s shushing him with murmured words Kevin half catches.  He kisses along Nick’s shoulders with deliberation, follows through along the line of the _KAOS_ tattoo down his spine until he’s on his knees, lavishing worship on the small of Nick’s back.  In spite of how he feared this might go a few hours ago, Kevin can feel his cock rising; they’re just too damn beautiful together to resist.  (And to the left, there’s the unmistakable sound of wet kisses, of AJ moaning.  He can’t look.) 

How long Brian’s been covering every inch of Nick he can reach with his mouth Kevin’s not sure, but after a last kiss to the base of his spine Brian leans back and lets go.  Nick shivers, and though there’s patches of skin that must be wet from the flick of Brian’s tongue, it’s clear he’s not trembling from the cold. 

Brian strips his own shirt off and drops it as he stands, so when he gathers Nick back against his chest this time they’re skin to skin.  The way Nick says Brian’s name _hurts_ , a crack of need in his voice so deep Kevin’s conflicted, torn between heat building under his skin and tightness in his throat. 

Brian’s response is instantaneous, his left hand finding Nick’s against the wall without even looking up.  “Hey, I’ve got you.  I’ve got you.  I’m right here.”  Brian’s always known just how to comfort Nick, ever since he was a kid.  They all took care of him, but Brian’s always been able to take one look and know if he needed comfort or distraction.  With Nick, there’s always been a fine line between the times he needs to be listened to and the moments he’d be more grateful to be shoved off the edge of the bed.  All things considered, it’s not so surprising that he and Brian ended up like this, not really.  Brian saw a need they couldn’t and he filled it, like he always has.  The realization doesn’t wipe out Kevin’s fear, exactly, but it helps, lets him keep breathing as Brian steps back and takes the whip into his hand. 

He uncoils it, runs his left hand once from grip to thin tip like he’s reminding himself of the length.  Kevin sits forward because it’s movement he’ll allow himself, an d he can’t sit still.  He won’t break his word to Brian and stand but it’s too much to ask of himself to try and relax.  Now that he’s already made Nick wait once, there’s no hesitation in Brian’s hands, nothing but quick efficiency as he snaps his arm into a hard first stroke that cracks so loud in the quiet Kevin jumps. 

It probably shouldn’t hurt _him_ to hear it but it does, and for a moment he’s so caught on the realization that he’s got no idea what a whip feels like but if it’s anything like he imagines it’s probably a pain that’s sharp and lasting and that’s his baby, that’s…

His Nick, who’s dropped his head down lower between his arms like all the tension’s gone out of his neck from that first stroke.  The second hits, and it’s harder then to notice the sound over the way Nick moans, deep and low and so close to the way he sounds when he’s being fucked that Kevin’s dizzied by it. 

To the side AJ groans out a _holy shit_ that’s so rough Kevin has to look back.  AJ’s on his knees with Howie’s mouth around his cock, his focus so rapt on Nick and Brian he doesn’t even see Kevin watching them.  By the time Kevin manages to look away, he’s missed the third and fourth strokes.  He shakes himself, refocuses.  Between the rhythm of Brian’s arm and the sounds Nick’s making, he starts to lose count. 

Brian’s work is precise; that much is easy to see even though Kevin’s never seen this done.  He wonders absently how long he practiced before he ever tried this on Nick, how many times the whip crossed back and cut into his own fingers.  The lines he lays across Nick’s back are carefully interwoven but rarely directly overlapping, hard enough that Kevin’s absolutely sure he wouldn’t want to feel them, though for what feels like ages there’s no broken skin. 

The first line of blood drawn is faint, so light Kevin doesn’t even _see_ it until Brian already has, until he’s stepped back in close to press his palm over the wound with a touch that’s shockingly gentle. 

“ ‘s fine; keep going.”  Nick’s panting so hard he’s difficult to understand, but it’s in a tone Kevin recognizes, that makes his chest clench.  Here, too, is something he knows—the way AJ whines and clings to him when he’s pushed him almost far enough, the tremble in his fingers that makes Kevin pause every time to be sure they’re still at _almost_ not _past_. 

Brian traces the wound with his thumb, leans forward to kiss Nick’s shoulder with a comforting hum.  He doesn’t ask if Nick’s sure and really, that’s a good sign.  The trust between the two of them is deep, so strong there’s no doubt in him Nick would tell him if he needed to stop. 

Nick groans softly as Brian’s lips move toward the shark on his shoulder, peppering kisses.  His panting’s gone shivery, and there’s a quiver in his arms that’s new to match it.  Kevin may not be the expert on Nick Brian is, but he’s enough of one to know that whatever point they need to reach with this, Nick has to be close to it. 

Nick takes a deep breath like he’s about to speak, cuts it just a little short when the slow drag of Brian’s hand down his back draws a sound out of him that’s undeniably pained. 

Kevin hasn’t moved, hasn’t made a _sound_ the whole damn time but without even looking toward him Brian’s hand snaps out in his direction, palm out to stop a protest that hasn’t even happened yet.  If he hadn’t been about half a second away from giving up and pushing to his feet, he’d be more offended.  They know each other inside out; right now, he needs to remind himself that’s a strength.  Brian knows Kevin well enough to know that at this second, he’s not sure anymore.  He knows _Nick_ better still, and that’s the key piece he has to remember. 

Brian’s focus on Nick is absolute.  The hand he’d held out drops slowly, finally comes to rest at the nape of Nick’s neck as Brian studies the rise and fall of his shoulders.  “One more, and that’s enough.” 

“I can take—“  The flex in Brian’s arm as his grip tightens is visible, enough power behind the motion to command attention.  Nick shivers, but the moan that comes with it is far from wounded. 

“That wasn’t a question.  I know how much you can take.” 

It’s a strange thing to see Nick rendered silent.  The kid has a comeback for everything; hell, half the time when he fights with one of them walking away can’t even make him shut up.  Even Brian can’t slow him down most days but like this, it’s simpler than Kevin would have ever imagined.  The way Brian waits him out makes Kevin wonder if that wasn’t always the case, but the quiet holds and for just a split second, he sees Brian smile. 

The soft kiss he presses to Nick’s cheek is a clear reward for his compliance, though Nick doesn’t seem to think it’s enough.  He squirms, turns his head to catch Brian’s mouth with his.  Brian kisses back with such enthusiasm Kevin leans forward just for the sake of watching closer.  Brian’s affectionate with everyone, he always has been, but long before this Kevin’s known he’ll take any excuse to touch Nick, any at all.    It’s hard to imagine him ever denying Nick a kiss; the way he pulls back a little soon is surprising enough. 

Nick’s hands twitch against the wall, ready and willing to push off and turn around to chase Brian, but Brian shoves lightly at his shoulder as he steps away.  “Hey, keep those hands on the wall.  One more then you can turn around.” 

Worries aside, Kevin has to admit to a little fascination, even if it’s only to himself.  Maybe eventually Brian’ll tell him exactly how all this got started; he doesn’t know, but he can see how hard Brian must have worked even to get him _this_ far, to coat his drive for pain so thoroughly in love that he seems almost as desperate now for Brian’s kiss as he was for the whip. 

At first, the act itself seemed the strangest part of all this.  The more he thinks about it, the more strange it seems that Brian’s been helping hold Nick together for God knows how long and they’ve never seen. 

The last stroke of the whip seems the hardest.  Kevin can’t be sure, but blood wells immediately to the surface and Nick’s groan falls somewhere in-between pleasure and pain.  For all that, it doesn’t hurt Kevin as much as the first one did.  He’s not alright, exactly, but he’s adjusting; it’s hard to deny there’s some good in this when he can see it so clearly in Nick.  Even shaking, there’s fluidity to his movements he hasn’t had in _weeks_.  He turns around so fast to reach for Brian he’s barely had the time to toss the whip on the dresser, but Brian lets himself be caught.  Better than; he holds on and drives Nick back until they’re both against the wall again. 

There’s a hiss from Nick as his back hits the wall but it’s overridden quick by Nick’s moans and whispered reassurances Brian slips between kisses.  The intensity between the two of them always runs high, but the charge between them now is greater than Kevin’s ever seen.  It only takes the tug of Brian’s hand on Nick’s thigh to make Nick cry out, his legs spreading readily to let Brian’s thigh slip between them. 

The sound of Howie’s moan hits Kevin right as he licks his lips, brings with it a sudden shock of heat so sharp it makes him gasp.  He knows without a glance that Howie has to be watching now, has to see the look on Nick’s face as Brian’s mouth dips low to suck greedily at his chest.  When Kevin tears his eyes away from Nick and Brian to look back, he’s not surprised find he’s right. 

Howie’s on his hands and knees, his gaze fixed on Nick and Brian as AJ pushes into him with slow, steady thrusts.  Even the slide of AJ’s hands up and down his sides is measured, comforting like the kiss he bends to leave between Howie’s shoulders. 

“Yeah, they look good, don’t they, sweetheart?  Told you he’d be alright.”  AJ’s breathless, and still Kevin can hear the triumph there.  Briefly, Kevin wonders how in the hell he managed to stay so sure, whether it’s his trust in Brian or his trust in Nick that’s absolute.  Maybe both; maybe it’s more that he’s an eternal optimist, better at holding off his worry until he’s sure he’s got reason.  Whatever it is, he stops wondering as AJ looks up and their eyes meet. 

AJ’s close; Kevin can read it in the tension in his arms, the uneven tempo of his breath.  That’s hot, but what makes Kevin’s stomach drop is the way he groans out _fuck, Kevin_ as if he’s actually done _anything_ other than look at him.  Like Kevin’s behind him rubbing his chest and kissing his neck or on the bed under Howie, but he hasn’t done a damn thing and AJ still looks at him like that, still moans for him like it hurts to look at him. 

As worried as he’d been Kevin’s cock had mostly lost interest but there’s no denying the burn under his skin now; he’s so hard he can’t resist reaching down to palm himself through his jeans.  The prospect of joining the two of them on the bed is freshly tempting but he can still hear the sounds Nick’s making under Brian’s touch, and they draw him back.   

Nick’s hands are trying to work their way into Brian’s jeans, though Brian doesn’t seem to be giving him much help.  His hands are still caught up roaming over Nick’s body, his mouth biting bruises into Nick’s throat he could have never risked while they were on tour.  There’s something beautiful about the way Brian rubs at each mark he leaves like he’s memorizing the shape, the way he kisses them after like a final seal. 

The heel of Kevin’s hand drags down the front of his jeans, a firm touch to give himself some measure of relief as he leans back to watch.  The moan that slips from his chest is unplanned, but it’s not half as startling as seeing Brian look back at him the minute he hears it.  Brian’s eyes bore into him, so bright and full of hunger it’s hard to breathe while they’re on him.  It’s over quicker than he expects and Kevin’s left breathing heavy, watching Brian whisper something into Nick’s ear that he can’t catch. 

Nick groans, and Kevin’s mind buzzes so fast with possibilities that he has to close his eyes.  All of this, it’s between the two of them and sure they’re sharing it with all of them but it’s new and he swore he wouldn’t interfere and all of those are excellent reasons not to hope they’ll call him over. 

Despite every one of those excellent reasons, the relief that floods through him at the touch of Brian’s hand against his arm is substantial. 

“Hey.”  He blinks, looks up to see Brian almost smiling at him, Nick leaning so hard into Brian’s shoulder he’s practically holding him up.  “You want to help?”

God, does he.  “Yeah, I—  Hell yeah.”  Kevin sits up a little straighter, half ready to get up and follow them to the bed but Brian’s easing Nick down into his lap instead, one hand fluttering back the minute Nick’s a little settled to pull at the buttons on Kevin’s shirt. 

“Should get this open; skin to skin’s easier on his back.”  It makes plenty of sense, and Kevin moves to help him, but the reminder of the state Nick’s skin’s in draws his eyes to wounds he now has a chance to see right up close.  The cuts are deeper than he thought, deeper than they looked when all he could see was a hint of red.  Underneath them the welts are thick and angry and _dammit_ he can’t fight the knot that swells in his throat, the way half the heat he’d gathered seems to trickle away through his fingers. 

Sobered, he doesn’t bother to get his shirt all the way off, just finishes with the buttons and shoves it out of the way so he can take Nick back into his arms.  The fit of Nick’s back against his chest, the way his long arms scrabble to get whatever hold on Kevin they can, all of it’s so familiar it hurts.  He’s been holding Nick for long he remembers when there was nothing more than comfort to it, when Nick was so small he fit in Kevin’s arms even closer than Howie does.  He remembers better still how Nick grew into arms and legs that seemed to stretch without his consent, how he went from the kid who clung to Kevin like a kitten to someone who pulled at him with all the unique impatience of a young lover.

He remembers, and he holds on tight, buries his face against Nick’s shoulder and breathes him in.  _Words_ might be better, but he doesn’t want to ask if he’s okay, not when the answer to that is precisely what he’s supposed to be learning right now.  He won’t ask a question, and anything lighter sticks in his throat. 

Nick doesn’t share his problem, clearly.  He hums when Brian kisses him, lets his head roll back as soon as he’s finished to rest against Kevin’s shoulder.  He’s a strange mix of boneless and grasping, one hand pulling Brian forward, the other reaching back for Kevin as all the rest of him seems to melt in between.  His lips nuzzle against Kevin’s ear, wet and swollen, and Kevin shivers. 

“Kevin, _Kevin_ , fuck, kiss me, c’mon, baby, just—“

He doesn’t have to be asked twice.  Nick tastes thoroughly of Brian, but that only fuels the fire the rush of his tongue sets.  With the five of them, that’s always been true.  It’s a messy kiss, disorganized and desperate, so heady Kevin only stops to pant.  Nick’s a gorgeous mess, so breathtakingly responsive that just the curl of Kevin’s hand against his hip is enough to make him whimper.  He jerks up toward Brian’s mouth on his chest, grinds back against Kevin’s cock almost as quick like he craves both so badly he can’t decide. 

Kevin can sympathize; he’s got no small amount of indecision in his own head.  Here and there when he moves Nick still winces at the way his back presses to Kevin’s chest and for God’s sake he can _feel_ how hot and raw the skin is as it radiates against his own, but Nick is rock hard and leaking heavily, writhing on Kevin’s lap like every touch he gets sends a shockwave up his spine. 

He can _see_ both extremes; it’s reconciling them that’s so hard. 

Kevin kisses along Nick’s hairline to buy himself half a minute to breathe, looks down and sees Brian on his knees.  He’s reached the end of the deliberate trail he’s left down Nick’s chest, and though his destination’s pretty clear it’s equally clear he’ll _maybe_ get the chance to get his mouth solidly around Nick’s cock before he falls apart.  Their eyes meet, and he’s not at all sure what Brian sees in his but whatever it is, it brings out a flash of love so sharp Brian reaches for his hand and pulls it to his lips.  The kiss at the inside of his wrist is soft, and he feels as much as hears it when Brian says “It’s okay.  It gets easier.” 

He wonders how it was for Brian the first time, if his hands shook when it was over.  He wonders if the taste of Nick’s blood ever made him doubt himself, if maybe he sees more of his old fears in Kevin’s eyes than Kevin’s been able to see watching Brian.  The thought is comforting. 

He strokes his fingers through Brian’s hair in thanks, brings his hand back to Nick’s hip just in time to hold him as Brian lowers his head.  More often than not, Brian gives blowjobs like he kisses—slow and drawn out, intimate and sexy and eager to please.  He can’t take any of them as deep as AJ can and he doesn’t have Nick’s eagerness, but he’s damn good at what he does. 

This, it’s nothing like Kevin expects.  He’s efficient, focused, palms pressed to the inside of Nick’s thighs to keep his legs spread wide while he takes in as much of his cock as he can.  He swallows, forces his jaw a little wider and does something unseen that makes Nick keen.  Kevin keeps a hold on his hips, kneading tense muscles as he kisses his way along the bruises Brian left on the column of his neck.   Nick’s clutches at him harder for every flick of his tongue and it’s dizzyingly hot, better still when Nick starts to come and Kevin stops fighting the urge to bite down. 

He’s a lighter hand than Brian in almost everything; he’s always known that.  Compared to everything he’s just had the faint pressure of Kevin’s teeth must feel feather soft, but the pitch of his moans shifts higher when it happens.  The flood of arousal that brings is so heavy Kevin has to thrust up against him, just a little, just enough friction to make him desperate for more. 

The lazy roll of Nick’s hips as he starts to come down from his orgasm only makes it worse, fueling a temptation Kevin knows he can’t take.  This whole time, Brian’s asked nothing for himself; every single touch, every kiss he’s given has been about Nick, start to finish.  If he knows Brian(and he does, _God_ he does), he’d clean Nick up and hold him while he passed out without ever asking anything of him.  Whatever he wanted for himself, he’d put it on hold.  Nick’s still out of, still trying to catch his breath but there’s no doubt in Kevin’s mind what he wants.  It’s written in the weakly grasping hand that’s scratching lightly at Brian’s neck, the way Nick’s looking down at Brian with something between lust and worship. 

Kevin wants him, but that’s inconsequential when it’s Brian Nick needs.  It’s alright, more than alright.  Beyond the early days when Nick was fighting hard to claim his place with the four of them, of all the troubles they’ve had jealousy’s rarely been one of them.   

Kevin nuzzles behind Nick’s ear, catches the lobe quick between his teeth before he whispers.  “You want to get on the bed and let Brian have you?” 

Nick’s fingers dig into Kevin’s thigh at half strength, his right hand still scrabbling to pull Brian closer.  “Shit _shit_ , yes.  Yes.” 

Brian swallows, rubs at the inside of Nick’s thigh.  His pupils are so wide the blue Kevin loves so much is all but gone, swallowed by black.  “We don’t have to; you’re gonna start coming down from this and I need to clean you up.  We can always—“

“ _Please_.  Brian—“

There’s a little spark of pride in Kevin’s chest at how well he and Brian manage to move together, how smoothly he guides Nick right into Brian’s arms the second he starts to get to his feet.  Three of them may be new to this, but moving together is a skill they all learned a long, long time ago. 

The sound of shuffling on the bed reminds Kevin that the others had gone quiet, finished sometime while he was too absorbed in Nick to hear.  For a moment they’re all a jumble of realigning bodies, shifting around Nick and Brian to let them settle however they choose.  Kevin’s watching Howie press the bottle of lube into Brian’s palm when he feels AJ’s hands sliding under his shirt, his right coming all the way around to cup the bulge in his pants. 

They both moan, Kevin’s heart skipping at the way AJ nuzzles into the collar of his shirt.  “Fuck, you’re so hard; you know what it does to me seein’ you like this?” 

He does.  Howie and Brian can be more subtle sometimes about what exactly turns them on, but AJ’s never done a subtle thing in his life.  He loves seeing them worked up; whether he’s the one that brought them to that edge or not doesn’t really matter. 

Kevin sighs, eyes fluttering as he rocks up into AJ’s palm.  “Alex.”  He murmurs the name thick and low, so heavy it barely holds its shape but AJ hears.  He flicks open Kevin’s belt, pops the button of his jeans to give his hand enough room to slide past the waistband of his pants and his boxers to grasp his cock.  The heat of his hand is so good Kevin gasps, almost misses all the words spilling out against his shoulder. 

“You tell me how you want me; I’d give you anything, baby, you know that.  You want to fuck me?  You want me to touch you just like this?”  His grip shifts, thumb sliding over the moisture beading at the tip of Kevin’s cock.  There’s no way he’d last long enough to fuck him; none at all.  Kevin licks his lips, turns his head to catch AJ in a quick kiss. 

“Like this.”  Almost, at least, because the others are a pile on the bed that’s faded into the corners of his vision, and he wants to go back to them, even if it means stopping for a second or two.  “On the bed.”  

AJ nods, tries to help Kevin out of his jeans though it’d go faster if he just stepped back and let Kevin shove them down himself.  Still, they get it done and then they’re sliding into the space left beside Nick, and Kevin gets his first good glimpse of how this all ends. 

Brian has Nick on his side, spooned up so snug against him he’s not giving himself much room to move.  His hips move in a deep grind instead, the tempo varied around the constant of the slow stroke of his left hand against Nick’s thigh.  His other arm wraps underneath, an anchor against Nick’s chest with his fingers splayed out right where they can feel his heartbeat.  Brian’s eyes are closed the way they are when he sings, and the sounds he’s making against Nick’s shoulder pull hard on Kevin’s heart. 

There’s a missing piece to this puzzle right in front of him in Brian’s whimpers, in the faint curl of his fingers through the hair on Nick’s thigh as he presses in deep—Brian will be whatever Nick needs like he always has, but it’s being the person who loves him when Nick’s having a hard time loving himself that Brian craves.  Nick may need the pain, but _this_ is the part Brian needs.  (And still, he wouldn’t have asked for it; he’d have gotten up and put Nick back together and laid down next to him with a smile because he’s Brian, selfless to a fault.) 

The heat of AJ against his back pulls him out of his thoughts.  He sighs, settles back only to shift forward a little when he feels Nick’s fingers trailing across his cheek, beckoning him to slide in just a little closer.  He catches a flash of Howie’s fingers tracing across Brian’s ribs, a sight that settles as warmth in his chest, a welcome reminder that they are now an unbroken line, as they should be.  With AJ’s hand around his aching cock and Nick’s fingers sliding teasingly into his mouth for him to suck, he can’t last; he doesn’t even try. 

When Brian comes he’s kissing Nick, shaking hard even with the solid weight of Howie to keep him steady.  He blinks down at Nick, and their gaze holds for maybe a full minute before Brian catches his breath and speaks. 

“I love you.” 

Kevin’s pretty sure he’s never heard anything so superfluous in his entire life. 

\-------

The gold of the setting sun falls across the curve of Brian’s spine, and Kevin thinks he should probably get up and close the blinds.  If the light falls in AJ’s eyes he’ll wake up and complain, but right now he’s in Kevin’s shadow and besides, Kevin’s too mesmerized to move. 

He ghosts his fingertips across the expanse of bare skin before him, tracing stripes on Brian’s back from Nick’s clenching hands that are a pale reflection of the red on Nick’s own.  Brian hums, and it’s more response than he expected.  He’s absorbed in his work, spreading aloe over the welts in the small of Nick’s back.  He’s been methodical, painstakingly careful enough that even though it _has_ to hurt Nick’s drifting off already. 

Kevin leans closer, kisses the dip between Brian’s shoulders and cards a hand through his hair.  “You take good care of him.”  They’ll need to talk about all this, probably more than once, but that much he knows for fact—however hard it might be to understand, he’s doing this for Nick, not himself, and he’s doing it as well as he knows how, better than Kevin knows he could have. 

The breath Brian lets out is almost steady, and he pauses just long enough to rub the back of his knuckles lightly against Nick’s side.  “I had a good example, or I’d have never known where to start.” 

He would have; he’s Brian.  He’d have taken the information in and researched and figured it all out for himself if he had to, but he still means what he says, and Kevin takes it for the compliment it is and kisses his back again.  Beside him on the bed AJ shifts, reaches out blindly until his hand hits Kevin’s thigh.

“Kev?”

“Yeah, baby.  I’m right here.” 

He lays down so AJ can burrow into his chest the way he wants, but so long as he can see Brain kneeling over Nick, he waits and watches.  When Brian lays down in the space between Nick and Howie with one hand resting lightly on Nick’s hip, he finally lets his eyes close. 

 

 


End file.
